Go F**k Yourself, Cape Town

I actually like Cape Town.

I mean, what’s not to like? The mountains, the beaches, the gardens, the lovely little shoplings in the lovely little towns. Adam and I once spent a month working freelance while house-sitting for a friend in Vredehoek and we loved it, really loved it, to the point that we have actively looked at moving down to Slaap Stad many times.

My parents grew up and met in Cape Town, many of my family members still live there, as well as a lot of very dear friends who have either lived their whole lives there, or chose to move down there. Until recently I used to travel to Cape Town a couple of times a year, for business and pleasure, and I loved every minute.

Cape Town is South Africa’s darling city and rightfully so. I’m not going to try to argue that Johannesburg has the same kind of scenery, safety or social life as Cape Town , because it doesn’t.

What I am tired of, though, is Capetonians nay-saying Johannesburg at every opportunity.

“It’s so dirty, and busy, and trafficky and unsafe.”

That’s because it’s a big city, hippy. San Franciscans would likely describe New York in the same way, as would Novgorodians about Moscow. And you know what Muscovites and New Yorkers would say in response? Nothing, because they are too busy living in big cities.

What I don’t understand about the Capetonians who constantly bemoan Johannesburg (see, I didn’t say all Capetonians), is that if your city really is so infinitely better at everything, then why is it so hard to take the high road, and just not make all negative comparisons and snide, self-satisfied remarks?

Why can you not resist pointing out Johannesburg’s flaws?

Why do you feel compelled to compare it to Lagos* or Kinshasa*?

*They don’t even have a Woolworths. We have Woolworths.

If Cape Town is so wonderful, why do you feel like you need to validate your decision to live there by putting Joburg down while you’re up here?

I am so tired of having to defend Johannesburg, that I have compiled a list of things I don’t like about Cape Town.

So there.

1. Capetonians are cliquey

Not every person who starts a conversation with you is trying to rape you (not even if they’re from Joburg). It’s okay to say ‘hello’. It’s okay to make friends with people who aren’t from Cape Town.

2. Your business comes from Johannesburg

Joburg is not a holiday city, unless you particularly like traffic, pollution, muggings and power suits.

Joburg is a business city. Yet, I have met a couple of professionals who all have the majority of their clients in Johannesburg, but still insist that they are based in Cape Town.

If you need to hop a plane every week for status meetings, then, honey, you are based in Joburg. You just own a house in Cape Town.

 3. Cape Town salaries are lower, Cape Town expenses are higher

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Case closed.

4. We pay for you

Laugh at our etolls and our load-shedding while sipping wine and staring at the mountain all you like. Gauteng contributes almost 10% more to the GDP than you do, you boozy, ungrateful wastrels.

5. Cape Town is not crime-free

It’s safer in the city, sure, but decentralisation means that very few Johannesburgers wander around the CBD at three in the morning, drunk on expensive craft beer and dressed like the bass player from an Indie-funk band (as one can, and should, do in Cape Town).

There’s also the small matter of Cape Town’s 200 year-old history of gang violence…

6. The DA is not infallible

It’s hard to pick on Helen when just on the other side of Nkandla, JZ is fervently spending our tax money on a Safety Jacuzzi to match his Fire Pool. He is a buffoon and a tyrant… but that’s for another post.

The DA have done a lot of good in the Western Cape, but be cautious of vindicating any one party above your own objective reason- not everyone in Cape Town enjoys these fancy, new upgrades to the same extent.

7. Most of you don’t live anywhere near the beach

What? It’s true. That’s your trump card whenever it comes to complaining about Joburg. “We have the ocean”.

BIG who cares, Cape Town?

We have streets wide enough to accommodate 5 car-widths at a time (even if the ‘law’ says just three, whatevs)… and we use them every goddamn day.

How often do you go to the beach? Every day? Every week? Be honest… some of you haven’t been on a beach in months.

8. Cape Town doesn’t have a high speed train

And, oh, look at that, we do…Almost like a big city would…

9. When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you are going to be so fucked

Unless you’re all practicing swimming across that cold-as-a witch’s- tit ocean and bugging in on Robben Island, there will be nowhere for you to run when the undead hordes strike.

Who’s going to have all the weapons? Joburg.

Who’s going to have the high, fortified walls and burglar bars? Joburg.

Who’s got the survival skills to drive an armoured vehicle across ruined roads, fending off attackers from every angle? You fucking guessed it, Joburg.

In fact, even if the zombies don’t come (LOL, jk, of course they’re coming), we’re ready, right now, to invade your little oasis, pave it over and turn it into a communal braai area.

I’m just saying, if we wanted to, we could come down there in droves, throttle each of you with your any-weather scarves, impale you on your gluten-free, vegan lollipops and cut your hearts out of your artfully tattooed chests with a broken wine bottle before you could say, “Kif, bru.”

But we won’t. Because the one thing a complaining Capetonian will never bring up is this:

People in Joburg are nice. We might not live in the prettiest, showiest, most tourist-friendly city in the world, but we don’t have to make you feel worse about yours to justify living here**.

**Except for right now.





368 thoughts on “Go F**k Yourself, Cape Town

  1. The nite life sucks in cape Town… only that long street wch aint long at all.. snobs with no money.. the beaches don’t mean anything since they r all cold… who gets into that cold water really? Durban is way better for holidays than cpt

  2. 2 years.. finance officer capetown.. cudnt even buy a small car.. 6 months after moving to jozi .. big salaries… I cud afford a lot… those few nice expensive cars in cpt belong to whitr pple. . And here in jozi all these many big cars ..range rovers .. jeeps etc are black women… all the money is here

  3. I have recently moved to Cape Town and have been drinking in its beauty. Can I say out of about 160 people I have interacted with on more than a hi- bye situation, about 10 have been genuinely friendly! I laughed through your article. Well done. So funny. But Cape Town is home for me now, let’s see how long I last. :D.

  4. I wonder if anyone here, has actually read your other stuff. ha ha ha. can’t believe this post went so viral.

  5. I live in the USA now. Whenever I recognise a South African accent, of course I strike up a conversation and much reminiscing ensues. One day I met a South African lady and exclaimed, “I’m from South Africa too!”
    “Oh, which part?”, she asked coolly.
    “Johannesburg, and you?”
    I kid you not, she looked down her nose at me, said, “Hmph, Cape Town.” and turned on her heel and walked away.

  6. AWESOME piece! I’d rather live in Joburg and fly to Durbs than to waste time on CPT. The ocean sucks, the wind sucks and who needs to visit a wine farm to buy wine?

  7. Pingback: Justin Logie (ZA) via Joe on Identity, Travel, the Pyramids, Nobel Prizes. | A Letter Place

  8. I have to be honest and no offense to the Capies but it is true, born in Durban, lived worked in and LOVED Jhb, recently moved to Cpt and I STILL battle to feel at home… Clicky clicky clicky and so full of it!!! Beautiful province but that’s about it guys, its expensive, no decent jobs and there is just as much crime here as anywhere else!!!

  9. I am currently living and working in Cape Town. I have lived and worked in Pretoria. I have worked in Jhb and PE. I have visited every biggish city and town in this country. I lived in Durban for 6 years but that was when I was a kid and I have been back there a few times for work and pleasure. How one enjoys the place you are in is way more dependant upon yourself and your own attitude rather than the attitude of other.

  10. New to the furore… never really leave comments but as a proud Capetonian I’m endorsing this blog post… there’s been shrieks of outrage down here but the reality of the BS is that not to far underneath the frivolity, there exist a truth… We in Cape Town are far too insular… And the DA kan ma druk it while they’re doing their Vatican Roadshow with her mad Majesty, Helen Zille. Urgh and double urgh.

  11. Touched a nerve here Jade judging by the polarity of the posts! I’m a Brit who flies to Joburg regularly to make it and then returns home to Cape Town to spend it! Cape Town has many many qualities but rather like Switzerland where I lived for three years, behind the picture postcard lies a darker side..the drug abuse, chronic poverty and crime of the Cape flats to name a few. Also it seems to take forever to get an invite to a braai, oops dinner party, and welcomed into their inner circle by a Capetonian. Rather similar to the Swiss. When I first came here in 2003 to do a postgrad at UCT, I always remember how the students would group together in their various (racial) cliques on the Jameson steps. What was particularly noticeable was how the rich white Capetonians would talk a good game (at the Forresters, if you were mistakenly invited) about racial integration, but they were nowhere to be seen when UCT got involved in a Habitat for Humanity project in Khayeltisha. I remember one of the organisers commenting that its always the foreign students who would pitch up, but participation from the South Africans was depressingly low. So in conclusion, its still very much a case of tale of two cities, but lest you think everything is more expensive than Josi, I was in Maboneng the other weekend and got stung R35 for half a pint of the local craft beer. The owner of the Living Rooms seemed quite stung when I told her that was a complete rip off when I can have a pint at the P&G for the same price! 🙂

  12. Fekking hilarious! I lived in CPT for three years, now a Jozi girl. Your sentiments are so true and so funny!

  13. Pingback: Joburg vs Cape Town debate | Aquila Online

  14. …kaapies surving the apocalypse….girl, have u met any ‘nommers from da flats’? of course we will survive!

    cute rant, even though i totally disagree…

  15. Most of the ppl u refer to is from Gauteng. Like me, we have changed the Western Cape, to the point we don’t like the people we were/they are. Get over it or stay in Gauteng. They don’t want to be our friends, they will stay true to who they know and believe in. I, however, will always love the Cape and will always be me.

  16. I’m from Cape Town originally and I laughed at this. Some of it’s pretty true. Went to JHB once and it was pretty cool. People there are definitely friendly.

  17. I’m also Capetonian – in a winelands sort of sense- and the scariest bit was the paved braai area! But that’s just me being Virgo 🙂 That aside, however, please excuse all rude and precious Cape Town seuntjies’ remarks – you forgot to say that generally speaking Johburg guys have waaaaay better manners. You probably didn’t need to though, ’cause it’ll all come out in the wash below your post. 🙂 Watch and weep with LAUGHTER!! And Nicknicknicknick, you’re soooo totally right, broe’! Jade, thanks for writing this and for calling the spade we use to build sand castles with on the odd occasion that we do make it to the beach, a f**king shovel. Well done! 🙂

  18. Started off a bit wobbly but what a great ending! I love how there’s so many comments from “capetonians” saying how nice they are. Nice people don’t go around saying how nice they are. That’s what douche-bags do.

  19. I was born in KZN – gew up in JHB and only angels saved me and landed me safely in CT. I wouldnt move back for anything. Its a sh! T pit

  20. Wank wank. Nothing better to do then diss CT. Shame. Go to a shopping centre and watch a movie boet…wasted 5 mins of my life reading this cuck.

  21. Please right a satirical post about Durban!!! C’mon naysayers of Jade’s post where is your humour, it’s the one thing that unites ALL safa’s !!!!

  22. You seem to be hanging out with all the wrong kind of people. OK. there are lots of them in Ct, Joeys, and basically all of uptight conservative SA and the world. Please contact me for info on where the parties chocker block full of people who couldn’t care less where you come from but only how PRESENT you are.

  23. Bwaaaahhahahaha!!!! Friken kif bru! Brilliantly written truth! And anyone that’s got a problem with this must go find parking in Cape Town.

  24. It would be nice if you actually bothered to meet real people here, not just the imaginary friends and bloggers who brown-nose you

  25. satire ˈsatʌɪə/ noun: satire
    1.the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues…… mmmm… miss the point much?

    • bigot [big-uht]
      a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

  26. Nice post.

    I’m a proud Cape Townian.

    I feel that your point 3 is very lacking and by saying ‘case closed’ doesn’t make it any more valid.

  27. Coming from up north and now living down here, i cant agree with you more! But that part about the Zombie apocolypse… omf, i nearly died. Hahahahahaha. I love living in CT, dont get me wrong, but I will go back to Joburg in a heartbeat

  28. I sadly have to move there for work (I know, I can hardly believe it myself)… and I agree with everything that you have said. It’s not that I don’t like Cape Town, it really is a lovely place with wonderful potential, but if I hear one more dick-head hippy say “we have the mountain” I am going to tear out his eyes and leave them on a post constantly staring at that DAMN MOUNTAIN. Yay, it’s a flat mountain – congratu-f***ing-lations!

  29. Such bullshit. I’m from Cape Town and nearly every point you’ve made is rubbish. I live at the beach. I spend time at the beach every second day. The waters only cold if you’re a pansy. We do have the ocean and you guys hate us for it. Jealousy is a little bitch. You have five car wide roads? WHO GIVES! Beach or a five car wide highway? I don’t think thats even a question. Get fucked. & a zombie apocalypse? Really? To much xbox me thinks bro.

    Life is better in Cape Town, we all know this. My guess is that you’re upset that mommy & daddy decided to live in the shitbox of South Africa and spend the majority of your days in traffic, breathing in all that fresh air pollution, getting hijacked at every stop…when you could have grown up in Cape Town, surfing, spending days at the beach, chilling out at Camps Bay or Blue Peter with a few mates and a beer to each the sunset, Climbing Table Mountain for no reason at all, spending the weekend getting lost in Stellenbosch in all of those green green wine lands.

    Keep your high speed trains, five car wide highways, air pollution and hijackings. We’ll keep our mountain, our island, our beaches, our farms and wine lands, our awesome little side streets and coffee shops, our people and our perfect small city life. We all know the big city is a whole.

  30. To the contrary, I love Joburg. I am a born and bred and always lived in CT, guy who earns his living totally independently from Joburg. Two things about Jozi: Shoo…. it’s so boring after dark – nothing to do in Joburg after the malls close at 5 pm – Sheez, what’s up with that ? Parkhurst is about as exciting as it gets in Joburg after dark – which brings me to my second point – Joburgers make such a noise about how dangerous it is – pah … Your leafy suburbs etc – methinks it’s your mining town mindset that likes to make it so dangerous. Joburg has always attracted the cowboy element – fast buck, fast cars and fast guns. I think you are all a danger to yourselves. I was sitting in a larney Parkhurst restaurant last Thursday night and a fight breaks out between two patrons, glasses breaking, screaming, blood, ha ha, my host just ignored it – that’s Joburg she said. Two days later people throwing punches in a parking lot of a mall – that’s Jozi she said.
    Perhaps a little Cape Town attitude and lust for life is needed in Joburg – you ou’s need to chill out a bit, smoke a pipe, and go to bed later instead of picking on us 🙂

  31. Noooo way! Someone had the time to think up and write this BS? And people agree? There are actually REAL problems in the world . And clearly you know the wrong, unfriendly, whining people. Oh wait, ofcourse it makes sense, you are exactly like them! Try life on the Cape flats or in the townships, you’ll see there is more to it than bad weather and drinking fancy wines. There isn’t a care about the damn beach or elite spots to socialise. There just isn’t room to give a fig about JHB! You privileged idiots should get those gold spoons out of your pouty mouths and remove your blinkers. Perhaps then you’ll face reality. Ah no, probably not.

  32. Very good. I’m surprised the driving habits and apparent lack of knowledge of basic road rules wasn’t mentioned, however we do have proper cappuccinos down here and don’t need to ruin our wine creations with ice made from water, whilst saying “hi-zit doll, hi’s ya gynae?” at the very top of one’s voice at the only coffee shop (if one can call it that) in that big city, called Tasha’s-by-the-caw-pork. PS: spoken by an ex-Jo’ies boy who’s seen his beloved old city slowly degrade. Potholes, water and electricity outages, poor municipal service, if any, traffic that is incrementally unbearable year after year, taxi drivers who have their own ‘rules’ entirely, litter and unkempt pavements,.. It’s a bit like a frog in a pot of water placed on a fire; you’ve been sensitized to the slow rot. But it’s not too late to be less defensive and to save that incredible city from the same fate as Durban, and I’m sure Helen and Patsy can help you there.. PPS: Jo’burgers are undoubtedly the nicest people in the world.

  33. Geographical locations influence how people do business…JB is a city and doing very good at it to. CT is far from that, more nature driven with a bit of city life. As South Africans be glad we have the luxury to escape to various destinations. These type of articles are not productive , but attention seeking and a job well done indeed. I commend you on that. I have no concerns nor do I feel the need to tell you how I feel. The statements you made is your opinion and I respect that. Factually you cant prove any of it and what a pity. P

    Capetownians and Jozi peeps are mostly not from the city , but pockets from surrounding towns, farms and thusforth…this makes up the city. What is fact though is people from those farms and smaller towns are far more well behaved then there city counter parts. Its just unfortunate how they loose there “plaas, klein dorp” morals and standards drifting to long in the city. (See there another pocket where we are different)

    Jade where does your roots come from?

  34. Wow Jade. One for creative writing! How does it feel lower your standards to below those of the very people you say inspired you to write this article. How shallow you must feel?

  35. Nice one Jade!
    Don’t you think Capetonians can also be likened to those, full of crap, “South Africans” who immigrate to the UK and need to justify their decision?
    I love holidaying in Cape Town, but have you ever spent a winter there? You won’t hear a Capetonian bragging about the sun only coming up at 8am, its pissing with rain and the wind is blowing so hard that the rain drops draw blood from your face when running to your car. They have to hibernate for 6 months!
    You only hear about drinking cocktails at La Med (if it’s still there. I might be giving my age way!) and watching the sunset at 9pm with your sunglasses still on.

  36. Hi
    I must say I dig living in Cape Town it’s kiff, bru! And whenever I go to joburg I can’t imagine why anybody would rather live there than Cape Town! I go to the beach a number of times a week and cycle in the mountains. This week I have seen dolphins 3 times on my morning drive to work, that’s why the traffic was backed up on the coast road!!! So it took 30 minutes (an extra 5) to get to work those days, damn dolphins!!
    I do think joburg people are super friendly though and we do have crime down here. But, I can’t imagine visiting Cape Town if you from joburg and not wanting to live here!!!

    • When you are a testosterone pumped MMA wannabe, it must be pretty hard to get along in a friendly manner with us Capetonians, considering we don’t like fights in general, so I can completely understand why they would want to return to the scene of Bloodsport in which they were concieved

  37. I thoroughly enjoyed this – every bit. W E L L D O N E !!! (Esp on the zombie bit)
    Even though …
    A. I am a born and bred Capetonian.
    B. I live on the beachfront (I don’t sip wine all day – in fact I don’t even like wine that much)
    C. I’m not a big fan of JHB either.

    One thing that DOES make me want to throttle a Valie is when they come to CT and actually make fun of OUR accents, OUR customs and OUR dress or whatever.
    A dog doesn’t simply walk into another dog’s territory and starts digging holes.(Thats a dumb example, but anyways)

    I think most Capetonians retaliate because the first thing out of a Jhberger’s trap is usually: “Ek” hahahahaha *point finger and laugh.*
    The joke’s on you – your mouth looks like an asshole when you pronounce anything in Afrikaans.

    Anyways – super awesome post girl. looking forward to the next.
    PS. Not all of us are evil you know. 🙂

  38. Brilliantly written and so true.
    I grew up in Durban, moved to Joburg when I was a teen. I love Joburg with all its flaws.

    I love how people think that Joburg is so unsafe, etc. There was an article released the other day with the Top 50 unsafest cities in the world. Joburg didn’t even appear in the top 50 but Cape Town and Durban did.

  39. How can you defend a city that u admit can’t even go and see? ‘Decentralised’ otherwise known as living in a neighbourhood cage. Defending it is endearing but the place is a dive.

  40. I love your writing. I was born and bred in Johannesburg (Springs actually!) Lived very happily in Jo’burg until 1994 when I moved to Cape Town. I love it here, but I also love my roots!

  41. Joberg is a shithole.. As a durbanite, one of the worst things about coming back to SA (form London) is flying through JHB. Terrible place! Can’t even believe it’s a discussion.

  42. Seems like someone can’t handle others opinion about why they would not live in so called town with nice people and the countries business hub of South Africa where people work harder and bring home “the bacon” jhb… clearly if the people of Capetown is this so called rude and unfriendly city you have just shown that you are the typical capetonian and nothing better either. If you were really what u feel jhb people are which is more humbled and graceful. Then you would let others opinion be what they want them to be. In the end it’s their opinion. You said it yourself there is shitty traffic, loadshedding, e tolling, Joburg is not a holiday city, unless you particularly like traffic, pollution, muggings and power suits.” Which exactly their reason they don’t want live in jhb and saying this is why they won’t move to jhb because it’s not their preference of where they feel most comfortable. Looks like jhb people seems to take things to personal and can’t handle others mention flaws to why don’t feel they like the city. We might be unfriendly in your opinion but I have been to jhb. And what I experience is far different to it being the more friendlier city. In Cape Town neighbour’s are what neighbour’s should close friend engaging and watching out for each other. Everywhere I stayed in jhb u know theirs a neighbor next door. You hear your neighbour’s next door but never see your neighbor freaking he’ll I do t even know who they were and if I got them in the road I would even know that it was them. And no it wasn’t because of my unfriendly capetonian nature but because every house is so closed up and with high walls and the fact they only come out when they pull out of the garage and and drive off and pull straight into it again when they come back. So there is never really anytime to even get to know them. I am someone that always greets everyone I see or walk by who looks my way and to be honest walking past what was a rare occasion in the streets I live in jhb a neighbor who was in fact out front and not behind their fortress walls greeted with no response given just a filthy look. This I don’t think is very friendly to me. Yes like it is everywhere crime is a factor. The fact that u mention business living in Cape and insisting of staying here than your precious jhb says nothing good about the place really. Only an idiot would really think that when some goes up to jhb once a week for meeting is really based there. Even if you had received buntu education you would known that 1 day of the 7 days you have a week is not more that the 6 spent in Cape Town. So How does that even justify your belief that they are infact more based and more joburger than capetonian. U need to lay down on the crack or dope u doing dude. the point you actually making there is that he too feels that he prefers the more beatiful and calm surround with fresh air and gorgeous scenery of it winelands garden routes and beaches and have the option to go to it when he wants. Even if he does not go everyday he still can. If living in big city with its and I quote your wording here “dirty, polluted, mugging, power cut problem and crazy traffic during rush hour is the shit u love about jhb and not an issue for you mate… Then good on you It’s your choice. It’s not held against you…. you have only just shown with the letter how immature and touchy jhb people can be… If you wanted to be the bigger person and could care less of our reasons, opinion or feelings are on why we do not want to live in jhb. Then why become what you seem to think capetonians are in nature? Why be rude and become defensive by retaliating with a letter speak I’ll of the city and it’s people. It just shows that jhb people are just the same if not worse being bitter and mean like u seem to make capetonian out as being. And for it being cheaper to live in jhb than Capetown please stop farting through you mouth your arse may become jealous that it smell worse of the shit that coming out than him. Your fuel costs are much higher. Food cost more. I agree u r property and vehicle prices may be cheaper yes but that’s because car dealers has to make it tempting to buy their vehicles more because many prefer traveling either via public transport or another mode of transport to avoid the rush hour traffic which technically isn’t just a hour either. And property is in more demand on cape town for obvious reasons already mention. Why not act like a grown up and learn to accept another’s opinion and reason why they would not to live is your city and not be childish and take it so personal. All you really did here was proving that ppl in jhb are no better than Cape town folk who merely spoke to someone or a group of people who may have been socialy chatting in someway and voicing to them where as ur ranting and ill word about cape town is made publicly and online to voice to millions more who did not ask u why u don’t like our city. What I’m learning from this letter that cape town people may be bit snobbish sounding and seem to look as if we think our city is better because its more beautiful which by the way u said yourself it is true, and perhaps some may have been less friend in what u experienced more unfriendly towards ppl outside and not shy to voice the flaws to give their reasons for not liking jhb… but jhb ppl are bitterly immature and cannot handle any negative criticism about their city and they maliciously retaliate by more negative and harsh feel the need to be so defensive. I think you have just given me 1 more reason not to like jhb….. If u wanted to show us how much better you joburger’s are then u should not have become everything u say we are 10 X worse…yeah you really told us capetonians and thing or 2.. another thing u seem to forget we also work and have businesses to run so like us if u had the beaches around u, I doubt it that u would go to it everyday either. But you don’t have them of the mountains or the gardens and wine routes and gorgeous scenery and to me it does make Capetown the better city in my opinion to be because All of those nice surrounds is here so even if i don’t go all the time the thing is THAT I CAN. hahahahahaha …. from just another rude unfriendly capetonian ass. And proud of it….

  43. LMFAO ! Damn girl well written.60% is true what you say.But there are a lot of us that Do stay by the sea and do spend a LOT of time on the beaches here ,in fact every day I take my dogs to the beach for a stroll , so that they can do there conversing with there kind ( you know, sniffing butt,
    tail wagging ,running around ,chasing one another ,playing tag .That sort of thing.)Oh I forgot to mention ,quiet a few of us Capetonians work off shore and boy do we earn a shit load of money!.Something I cannot do in Joburg or in Cape town.one more thing I don’t have to pay tax to moron governments because of the amount of time I am out of the country.But the best part of being down here in cape town.,is that when I return to my beautiful expensive home and luxury cars and stuff,I come home for a relaxing layed back coastal holiday and to enjoy this cold bitch ass healing seawater ,either with a good surf or kayak.If that’s not enough,a wild ride with the BMW bike around the wine route and get deliciously pissed on fermented grape juice ,ONLY IN THE CAPE,mind you!By the way I think capetonians are very friendly too but don’t piss them off we stick mess as,well as any joburger,.Every year I DO get to Joburg to visit family there.So when I get back down here in south I can easily say “Thank fuck I don’t live up there in the north,its a fucking mad house”
    So Jade we in Cape town CAN actually say “GO F**K yourself JOBURG”

  44. Cape Town and surrounds are simply incomparable to most of the rest of SA. However there are MANY other amazing places and people in SA. CT is a place which has it all; and contrary to your belief, and experience ( relationships are reciprocal! ) there are many really lovely people born and bred in CT and from all over the world. But you must know, you will be excluded as Capetonians do not occupy time and space with people ( unfortunately usually from JHB) who only talk mostly about 2 things: 1. Their salary and 2. Their car. It does not impress us as you wish it should. And sorry, I have a luxury convertible too AND earn a massive salary anyway… Yes, here in CT, also pay massive taxes, and contribute to SA’s GDP. CapeTown has been, with it’s warm wonderful people, very happy to be who and what we are. You seem so terribly disturbed by the wonderful differences. Crazy! Then true to JHB- form, people are provoked about the weather! I mean! I cannot wait for winter: storm raging, warm log fire, red wine, reading or chatting to friends . How is that bad? In any case , Why do JHB people actually think we can construct nature or the beautiful mountains, sea, the weather or sunsets ourselves? We are the people who actually appreciate and LOVE it all! Even if we cannot get to the beach or wherever more often, it is a huge consolation to know we can actually get there within an hour or less! Now SO glad i don’t live in JHB with its relentless buzz, traffic, too many loud- mouths who announce and value everything in Rands! Enjoy the differences! It’s funny, estate agents proclaim ( i know that’s another story) that 50% residential house sales in W Cape are…JHB people moving here in droves..and they actually wish to live here! Why? Many ( No No All! ) seem so hung- up about who and what the average CApetonian is or is not. Get on with your life! Do not Drive like lunatics and swear and smoke with loud-mouths in restaurants, be horribly dressed and sit and watch others to compare and complain! What is R100 000+ more per month if you’re so miserable? Now that’s not intelligent at all!! By the way of the richest people in SA live where? …in Cape Town and surrounds and they are very very nice people, but do not entertain fools gladly ( sorry i don’t mean you) !! It is truly funny, i always giggle when JHB people think it’s only they who work so terribly hard all day and night! Big joke! I and my colleagues worked half -days on full pay in JHB!! We in Cape Town will continue to work hard to earn a living ( shock to you: I work 10 hour days, and so do most people i know). CT cannot help it:,we attract foreigners strongly, and we remain one of the top cities in the WORLD, which you obviously know. While JHB people may definitely be friendlier upfront (hey what else is there to do, but look for new friends to braai with?!?!) we get on with LIFE, which is rather precious to most Capetonians, in many different ways. This is so illustrated by this very post, they are out and about enjoying the reality of our short life on earth, including with ex-JHBers ( didn’t realize that? ) and yes an old friend from CT, while you rant and rave about what upsets you. Do Capetonians get to you that badly ?Now I’m done and gonna go Do Life! I’ve done my civil duty to reply. Don’t do these silly comparisons, it is such a tired worn- out theme, only upsetting you and all the sweet lovely mostly desperate – for -fun people in JHB. Don’t do it. Capetonians really and truly are too cool to be bothered what JHB thinks of them. Millions of us are truly lovely too ( hey 50% are ex- JHBers!!) and guess what? It ain’t ever gonna change! Sorry babe. Go do Life! Good luck! Lovecapetown;)

  45. This is freakin hilarious! There would be no Joburg without Cape Town you wallies! Yes you do pay 10% more to the GDP (Surprised it wasn’t more) being the business capital of Africa and all, but thanks anyway. I do a lot of work up in Jozi and do love the people and vibe but I will earn less money any day to breathe in fresh air and see the mountain in the distance.
    Life isn’t all about money hey, or is it?
    Oh did I mention that we subsidize 2/3rd’s of our revenue to the lesser privileged provinces?
    The North vs. South banter is good but your vibe a little too general dude 😉
    Well written though and has started a good amount of converse in this thread.

  46. go F**k youself Jade, we capetonians dont actually care about JHB and wish you fuckers would actually just stay there.

  47. Really enjoyed the humour in your piece. I’m a Capetonian, and you’re spot on about many things. The only thing that bothers me is how people have chosen to comment on it. Instead of witty remarks and clever comebacks, they’ve chosen to be rude and insulting, thus proving your point. Perhaps they’ve missed the point completely…?

  48. The amount of times the commentators and the writer of this piece of crap contradicts themselves and generalizes is just unbelievable.

  49. My business has got absolutely fuck all to do with Joberg, you need to be fuckin good at what you do to live here, and thank goodness I don’t have any reliance on the big city that is Joeys. Actually of all the people I know, no one has any reliance on “Head office being in Joberg”
    I have worked in New York and London and have to say all big cities are that same, too much shit and stress.
    But if you wanna have a crack at us, no probs, I sense a bit of keen jealousy in the article. I’m happy living in a sleepy, chilled town…I mean anything north of Paarl is Joberg to us 😛

  50. good article….relatively spot on. Guess you just gotto find the right ‘clique’ (generally those that enjoy the outdoors are the less pretentious). Only thing I don’t really agree with is the title…As a born and bred Cape Townian I would never utter the words ‘Go Fuck Yourself Jozi’ ….

  51. My business has got absolutely fuck all to do with Joberg, you need to be fuckin good at what you do to live here, and thank goodness I don’t have any reliance on the big city that is Joeys. Actually of all the people I know, no one has any reliance on “Head office being in Joberg”
    I have worked in New York and London and have to say all big cities are that same, too much shit and stress.
    But if you wanna have a crack at us, no probs, I sense a bit of keen jealousy in the article. I’m happy living in a sleepy town…I mean anything north of Paarl is Joberg to us 😛

  52. I’m sorry you are getting vitriol for this clearly tongue in cheek blog. Think we can add Capetonians have no sense of humour to the list!

  53. Just saying, it comes off as a little hypocritical to complain that capetonians always say that Joburg is “so dirty and busy and trafficky and unsafe”, and then like a minute later say “Joburg is not a holiday city, unless you particularly like traffic, pollution, muggings and power suits”.

    So what you’re saying is you don’t like capetonians pointing out the truth about Joburg then? Sounds very ANC-ish to me

  54. please. please. if you were any good at your job, you’d be able to get a job in cape town. secondly, the hostility from CT is a reflection of what happens when CT people go to JHB. thirdly, the participants in this fracas are minion UCT graduates; this is a lower class turf war. fourthly, I am wasting my drinking time. fifth, it is as easy to.get laid in either city – and if we focus on this, what counts, we can find a peace that suits.everyone. fuck you, with your first world problems.

  55. You are talking nonsense please feel free contact me so we can meet for a beer! have a most jovial day!

  56. Attention all vaalies: if this is how you feel then please do us the biggest of favours and stay in your own “awesome city” for the holidays. Really, your loud, overbearing presence spoils Cape Town for the rest of us. And we see right through your brand new slops worn in a desperate attempt to fit in when youre here.

    I’m off to go drink some craft beer and some pretentious wine. Thats how we roll!

  57. Your problem was that you were on the wrong side of Cape Town… i am not blind to the problems here but CT is faaaarrrrrr better than Joburg….and, we don’t really enjoy when the vaalies come here for holiday, they should rather go somewhere else…

  58. Entertaining writing…Capetonian living in Peru…missing it for none of the reasons in your post 😉 Let me know if I can post a link to my recent interview on SAPeople where they ask me about the differences etc. – cliquey came into it too!

  59. I am not gunning for either of the Cape Town or Joburg camps, but I must say I find it a bit hypocritical of you to be moaning about the moaning of other people.

    Perhaps it’s better if we all stop propagating this sort of action and reaction fingerpointing?

  60. Pingback: Whatever, Jo’burg, whatever…B-) | Ed Rybicki's Blog

  61. This is brilliant! Byron has missed the point, if anything, he has made your point 🙂

    If we take into account the fact that only 5% of SA’s trade volume comes through Cape Town, I think he has shown real credibility with his facts. Let’s not include Sandton “Africa’s richest square mile” in this either… they probably just keep all the imports there in a big pile.

    Lekker writing style Jade

  62. Jade do you perhaps live under a bridge spending your time waiting for billygoats to cross it?

    I recently spent some time in Jozi and I found it pretty awesome. The service industry is terrific – far superior to CT – and the people are smart, friendly and integrated. I put it to you that for every capetonian feeling superior to joburg there is at least one similarly sad and tightly wound kid looking for attention.

    In short… let’s get along rather than acting like this silly girl.

  63. When you hate on someone (or in this case, Cape Town) – it means you secretly want something they have.

  64. Worst article ever. Your 9 points doesn’t make any sense, here’s what I think of them in a numberly fashioned order.

    1. Wtf?
    2. Actually 90 percent of Joburg’s business rely’s on import/export which can’t be done without Cape Town’s harbor.
    3. In Cape Town Salaries are lower and so is expenses, for example transport. R11 takes me safely from town to Muizenburg within 45 minutes, measured in distance its the same as from Pretoria to Johannesburg.
    4. You don’t pay for us.
    5. Cape Town is safer than Johannesburg, need I give examples?
    6. The DA is doing what the ANC can’t, every Capetonian knows that, and is happy with the DA.
    7. You don’t need to live near the beach, R11 via metrorail gets you there within 15 – 30 minutes, no matter where you are in CT.
    8. The high speed train you’re referring to costs 400 percent, goes to 90 percent less destinations, and is used by. 90 percent less people than the normal train in Cape Town.
    9. Zombies can’t swim right, you’re fucked!

    By the way, I stay in Joburg.

    • NICE one Byron,I like the zombie bit.But wtf Zombies? come on people too much holliwood !

  65. Absolutely brilliant. My whole family emigrated from Joburg to Cape Town when my youngest brother studied at UCT. I alone remained in the city of the bold to raise a warrior tribe of my own. You nailed CT on every level. Well written 🙂

  66. Harshly written for someone who doesn’t want judgement. I agree that Cape Tonians can be judgmental, but shit girl you took it to a new and angry level :/ a good read though, people need to chill out about their patronage.

  67. Fuck me, you better get out of jozi…..that place is making you bitter……haha some valid points though. Jozi is GREAT. Hope you feel better now. Kiss Kiss. Btw, do you have a beach in Jozi? didnt think so. 😉

  68. Wow you must hate cape town to right an article like this shame its ok. No one here even talks about joburg we like our town and everything around it we are relaxed here and we don’t really care if anyone talks crap about Cape Town we know its cool here.

  69. You forgot the part where Capetonians’ driving is kak- they wouldn’t know an indicator if it poked them in the eye. Joburg drivers are gangsta, but at least in a way where they know what they’re doing and where they’re going, rather than a “run you off the road because I felt like changing lanes” kind of situation.

    Lived here 12 years now, and despite loving it (just don’t get me started on the hipster endemic- there’s a serious infestation), I LOVE Jozi too. Agree on all abovementioned counts. Well said!

  70. 1. Mother fucken thank you
    2. I personally think Pretoria will outlast any all th other cities in a Zompocalypse. u guys dont have real guns. we have the army

  71. You forgot the part where Capetonians’ driving is kak- they wouldn’t know an indicator if it poked them in the eye. Joburg drivers are gangsta, but at least in a way where they know what they’re doing and where they’re going, rather than a “run you off the road because I felt like changing lanes” kind of situation.

    Lived here 12 years now, and despite loving it (just don’t get me started on the hipster endemic… there’s a serious infestation and nests everywhere here), I LOVE Jozi too. Agree on all abovementioned counts. Well said!

  72. I, a Joburger, have a few times been accosted by both Capetonians and Durbanites always saying things like: “We have the sea, and the beaches, and the beautiful scenery, and the relaxed lifestyle, and beautiful weather, and everything. What do you have?”

    I always give a nonchalant look and simply say one word: “money”

  73. enjoyed it – very true, live in CT from KZN and love it here or there 🙂 Jhb is definately more friendly to newbies. Would like to see you write a rant about all the expats upping their current country vs SA – that is making me sick to the bone

  74. You have a lot of writing talent. However you ruined it by generalizing and talking about a zombie Apocalypse. Shows that you are still very immature and your general knowledge is poor.

  75. I’m trying to not react emotionally or defensively here. I’ll be honest, the article’s title put my back up and made it hard for me to read it objectively. I adore Cape Town. I grew up in Cape Town, I’ve lived elsewhere, including Jo’burg for 5 years. I feel I have a frame of reference for where you’re coming from. Some of the things you said are true and I’ve been told about them, over and over again, every time I visit Joburg or they visit here.

    What I’m trying to say is, I feel you – I’m tired of Jo’burgers nay-saying Cape Town all the time.

  76. Amazing despite all of your very fine efforts to change my mind, Cape Town is the place to be. Hopefully the rant brought you some peace of mind. Joburg is alright, I guess.

  77. Shit funny…HAHA..Thanks for the laugh, now im heading out to get shitfaced on Craftbeer and look for Zombies…

  78. What u all going on abt, dont you have anything worthwhile to right about than insult one of the top rated tourist destinations in the world with one of the world wonders?

  79. I love that things ‘work’ in CT, our city is clean and well maintained, I don’t have to deal with potholes or etolls, I live within walking distance of work.

    The mountains and the beaches are pretty to look at, I’d say I love everything about Cape Town with all my heart but it’s people. They (Capetonians) totally suck. Unless you’re a trustafarian or a foreigner with a whack of cash, you’re never going to be accepted here.

    In all the cities around the world I’ve ever lived, I’ve never met more unfriendly, unlikeable people than my fellow Capetonians, they’re all pretentious wankers.


  80. Fucksakes, I hate it when people waste my time. What a shit article. I’m convinced that the writer’s poo is more creative. You must de-cardonize your brain all the smogg fucked up your abbility to think clearly

  81. You have to know that Capetonians don’t give a toss what jozi thinks. This article is written for the same insecure, disgruntled joburgers who rush down en – masse every December, emptying the big city all in one go like a toilet flush. Is jozi really so miserable that instead of listing it’s virtues your only real option is to trash Cape Town instead? The Cape Town you refer to is a middle class microcosm of what the city actually is … perhaps that ultimately says more about you than it does about the city. It’s not all hippies, hipsters and fairies here, but it’s lekker by the mountain and the sea. Get over it … and btw; Cape Town loves you 🙂

  82. Another capetonian here saying “yes” to this post. I only have one disagreement: I have thought long and hard about the zombie apocalypse and based on many a walking dead episode, have come to the conclusion that zombies cannot swim. They just don’t seem to have the motor function (although ‘world war z’ paints a slightly different picture). Finally, a use for the ocean, but not as a recreational tool, rather a giant shark infested moat with robben island as our base of operation.
    I may have taken this thinking too far.

  83. You forgot to say how awesome the weather is in Joburg all. the. time. and how it frequently sucks in Cape Town (although you wouldn’t know it, because we only ever post pictures of beautiful days). I’m originally from Durban, so totally agree on all of these points, while I simultaneously love living in Cape Town…

  84. This was absolutely brilliant. Really enjoyed reading it. I am a born and bred Jhb girl and I love the city and its people. Jhb is the lifeblood of this country. I have never been to CT though, so I can’t really compare. But I really enjoyed reading this. Some people need to get a sense of humour and just see this piece for what it is.

  85. I am from Cape Town, living in Jozi and I agree with you. Great laugh! But the crime is eeky here. Only gripe I have.

  86. Very well-written article! There is so much truth to this. I personally love Joburg people every time I travel there for work – so much mkre inclusive, friendlier, and keen to start up a good convo.

  87. … interesting opinion, but perhaps instead of causing more divide between Joburgers & Cape Townians, how about writing a blogpost on all the amaze things to do in Joburg & surrounds to educate Cape Townians? Just saying.

  88. Well said J. I am literally a mixed breed of jhb and cpt. I stayed in both places when i was a kid and as an adult and i must say, you got it spot on.

  89. I’ve read about 122 of these over the last few years, nothing original here. Not even the title. You Vaalies make me laugh though Jade. So much angst towards us down here, and as much as you say we are constantly dissing you, you don’t actually mean that much at all to us.
    Those derogatory comments you refer to, they’re almost always in response to some agro fool like you trying to convince yourself how much you hate this sublime place. I’m glad you and Adam decided to stay where you are and not taint our Eden Jade. No need/want for the likes of you here.
    Keep ‘paying for us’ sweet (like a piece of charcoal) Jade. We would laugh at you, if we even gave a shit for your ranting…but we don’t, and its 25degrees of centigrade outside, so I’m off to the beach. It’ll take me 8min if the traffics heavy. Can you smell the fresh air and fun? Not likely through all the bullshit in front of you that you’re flinging our way. Go f$%k ourselves Jade? What a ghastly thing you are. You need a rest baba, maybe a holiday. Try WarmBaths, I hear the potholes are beautiful this time of year. Bleh

  90. Such a balls up of an article. So much stereotyping. So unsubjective and biased. With that said, and in the spirit of the title, go f**k yourself, yourself! Just felt that if you could give the finger to a whole other province, you set the precedent, right? 😀 Have a great day!

  91. As a person born and bred in gauteng, I agree with you. Yes, cpt is the best city I have ever lived in, but seriously stop insulting johannesburg(ers). One thing i’d like to add is the driving ability of capetonians. No indicators, you have ABSOLUTELY no idea how a traffic circle actually works, in a parking lot EVERYONE reverses at the same time, you charge over stop signs, when the light has already turned red, you cruise over at a gentle and glacial pace while I am a sitting duck in the middle of the crossing. And a little tip ladies with the SUV’s, IF YOU CANT PARK IT, DONT DRIVE IT!!!!

  92. At least the guys here don’t try hump/fight/lift anything that isn’t bolted down. We can be smug you are just jealous!

  93. While i do feel you are accurate on most of these points, this article only results in polarizing people even more. We’re all South Africans at the end of the day.

    So you had a few run-ins and disagreements with Capetonians and want to express your view. You’re more than welcome, but this piece just seems petty in my opinion.

    • You might be right, as a Cape Townian, who has both lived in PE, Midrand and Hatfield. You have the ocean, better traffic (never takes more than 15min to get from Humewood to Kabega Park (opposite sides of PE for those who don’t know)) and it is greener. Less wind (who ever called PE the windy city has more than likely never been to CT) only problem is your bars are far and in between. If I would have to ever move from CT again, PE would be it.

  94. I’m an American from New York City. Johannesburg could be great if it were anything like NY. I moved to South Africa 5 years ago and Cape Town is the only livable city here. Terrible article.

  95. The funny thing is that the Capetonians who constantly complain about Joburg have never lived there, let alone spent enough time there to figure out all its assets. What they know is the view of Wildwaters when their plane lands and that thunderstorms are a foreign (dare I say scary) way to get rain.

  96. My boyfriend and I were whining last week as friends of ours had spent a week in “Wonderful, amazing, bestplaceintheworld” Capetown and wanted to live there. This post made me feel so much better about staying in JHB. 🙂

  97. Pingback: It’s fucking Slaapstad after all | grumpysafrican

  98. Funny written ☺️. I’m ex JHB living in CPT now. Not one of the capetonians to bad mouth Jhb ever… Just wondering about the high road comment tho… So it doesn’t really count anymore? In CPT we already heard all you just mentioned, no new news actually…

  99. Do us all a favour and do not visit Cape Town on your next long leave, or any leave for that matter. Rather stay in your big dirty city with all your guns and knives. Oh, and by the way, f★ck GP. Case closed.

  100. 1. People who live in Joburg are friendlier… but less attractive people usually are.

    2. People in JHB do earn more… rightfully so. It’s called danger pay.

    3. People in JHB are more prepared in the event of a zombie apocalypse… but Capetonians can always go out sailing and survive on vintage wines and fresh sashimi.

    PS. Only in JHB do women wear thigh-high boots to Sunday Lunch

    PSS. Only in JHB would you see a lime green Bentley.

    PSSS. Only in JHB do the men compare and grade each others credit cards.

  101. an old saying comes to mind …
    jealousy makes you many things, none of which are lekka lol

  102. Well done Jade, LOVED THIS! As an ex Capetonian myself I feel VERY qualified to agree 😛 The comments I get when people find out I moved from CPT to Jozi voluntarily are oft incredulous, and insulting to my intelligence (as it gets queried, a lot!). CPT people are far too up their own mountain asses and don’t welcome new comers, even from their fellow city clique. I fell in love with Jozi, warts and all, after a few business trips made me realise that I had more real conversations with absolute strangers here, than I ever managed in my adult life in clubs, pubs and bars in CPT.At least “we” are “real”. 😛

  103. This is BRILLIANT! I live in Cape Town and I COMPLETELY agree with you. This place is so up it’s own ass it’s not even a joke. Well done.

  104. Love this. Partly true. I am from PE of all places, lived in Cape Town for 2 years. But Joburgers would bring up a Zombie Apocalypse to prove a point about their city because some parts kinda look like a scene out of Fallout. NAILED IT!

  105. Nice funny post 🙂

    I think there is one big flaw in your rant though: If you take the whole East Rand, Pretoria and Johannesburg you have a Economic contribution of roughly 32% of the country’s GDP. The headcount for that area is roughly 12 mil people. Cape Town contributes 14% with a headcount of 3 mil people… and Cape Town doesn’t even have any mines to speak of. You can argue that it’s unfair to bundle those together, but I think not bundling those together is the real crime, as a huge percentage of people living in the East Rand work in Johannesburg or Pretoria and visa versa.

    Also, I dispute your claim that cost of living is lower in JHB and all the evidence I find points to the same
    Note: Numbeo’s summary includes purchasing power (higher salaries in JHB), so the gap is EVEN LARGER than their data shows if comparing net pricing

    Full disclosure: I don’t live in or near Cape Town nor Gauteng

  106. Funny how this topic hits a nerve with so many ppl, and uses up so much energy. We all have free will and choose to live in jhb/ct for our various reasons. it is if we are not 100% happy with our choice that we may become defensive about it, OR be offended when a critic comes along with their point of view.

  107. Reading the comments is almost as amusing as the post. People take themselves way too serious. How’s the development of a sarcasm font coming along? I can’t believe I won’t be sitting across from this wit every day any more. Please keep up the blog; will try and get you some reviews and shit for motivation (or just give you wine and gin every now and again).

  108. Sounds like you trying to convince yourself that Jozi is the right choice! Capetonians are proud of their little city, and yes, some Capetonians dont understand why anyone would want to choose another lifestyle or city to live in. Are those points you raised the top 10 conversations points round a Jozi dinner party? I can understand how frustrating it must be surrounding yourself with people who are constantly trying to get one up on you all the time..at the end of the day, if u are happy, then what certain Capetonians think really shouldn’t bother you! Personally I try distance myself from ‘my dick is bigger than yours’ conversations, but just felt like writing something.

  109. LOVED IT! Hilarious! Thank you for posting. Wonder if Putin would be interested in annexing Cape Town. He’s welcome to it.

  110. I so enjoyed reading this, and from the long list of responses, it seems you have hit a nerve. And – yes, you’re right about C.T. vs Joburg, (said she ducking quickly behind the sugar cane curtain and walking back to the beach with warm water in Durban!)

  111. Actually the military War Room which would be used as HQ in case of war is Based on Cape Town because of the Navy being based in Simonstown. Soooo…. during a Zombie attack it’s probably better to be here than in Joburg. #JustSaying

  112. Jade, that’s a hilarious and at parts quite apt article!
    But most of your slates of Cape Town are also gross generalizations of the people and the place, which shows you ACTUALLY know nothing about the Mother of cities.
    I don’t slate Joeys, no need to, I personally think it’s shit and I would never live there; but you too have that choice.
    Why not come hang out with REAL, nice, loving Capetonians when you’re next in town, you may then not feel the need to slate the Cape in a blog.
    Cape hippies out 😀 x

  113. Sounds like way to many issues –

    Aren’t we so lucky to have such a beautiful and diverse country – each region with its pros and cons. Pros being the focus – this country is amazing!! We should all be South African, and proud of it – not Capetonians, Durbanites, JHBurgers…

    And I think in general South Africans (the ones I know) are ‘nice’ – if not, think maybe you hanging with the wrong people …

  114. Laughing so hard right now… as an ex-Captonian now bonafida Jozi girl… I loved this so funny & so true!

  115. born in Durban… spent 6 years in jhb and now happily settled in Cape Town. Couldn’t leave jhb fast enough tbh

  116. Interesting…. Durban is larger, has a bigger economy and has more mountains, warmer water and friendlier people, and better weather than CT….. and the roads work better than CT.

  117. OMG. I almost fell off my couch laughing!!!! So funny and very true! Cheers for an excellent read!!!

  118. I can appreciate good writing and some humour. That being said, I grew up in JHB. I moved to Cape Town 11 years ago, and I’ve never looked back. If you hate the Mother City so much, PLEASE STAY AWAY- it’s J-burgers like you that gives JHB a bad name, and cause Capetonians to huddle in a circle and roll their eyes at someone like you. And please note I’m using the word YOU and not JHB in general, because I love JHB and most people who live there.

    If JHB is so wonderful, why do you feel like you need to validate your decision to live there by putting Cape Town down? #justsaying.

  119. The thing with posts like this are the commenters. A post that was (I’m assuming) meant for a laugh and commenters have to start a ‘who/where is better’ war! I am from Cape Town, born and bred and this did make me chuckle. I may not agree with some of the points but Im not flipping off people that live in Joburg just to defend CT (or that might just be my ‘hippie-ness’ :P) I just don’t understand the need for this hate when we live in one of the most diverse and beautiful countries in the world! No matter where you live here, you can get to somewhere magical, whether it be the beach, the veld, thr Kruger Park, the Drakensburg, etc. Every place in SA has its ups and downs, everyone knows that, I just don’t understand why peolple insist on comparing the different places (again I’m talking to the commenters). South Africa is a rainbow nation and, as a country, we have come through a lot, so why all the animosity? Why can’t we respect our differences and we rather have to (rather angrily or passionately) slag off each other over the INTERNET of all places! Peace and love people! ♡

    PS: you probably don’t meet all the ‘open-minded’ Cape Townians because they are too busy catching waves and such 😛 (again, a joke, don’t take my head off…)

  120. This post really made me angry, to insinuate that we will have less of a chance when the zombie apocalypse hits is just silly, everyone will be equally fucked and it will come down to the individual and how well he or she is prepared for that sort of thing. 😛

  121. Cliched and boring. Most Capetonians, including myself, love Joburg and the people that live there. The opinions you refer to in your article are the minority and perhaps the folk you choose to acquaint yourself with. Abrasive title and seemingly insecure tone given your stance on CT.

  122. I’m from Stellenbosch and I’ve always loved Joburg. After living for a while in Cape Town I can fully agree with your post!! It’s soooo true. I thought Stellenbosch was bad and full of snobs, but Cape Town beats Stellenbosch EVERY DAY (in the snobbish, cliquey department)!!

    Love, love this post!!!

  123. Awesome write up Jade, well written and quite on point bar a matter of option here and there. I am from Durban originally, lived in Joburg for 5 years and then moved to C.T. was quite something to adapt to. I have to agree about Joburg peeps being super friendly. If I meet someone new in CT and they are super friendly off the bat, I usually ask where they are from and they usually are originally from either Joburg or Durbs. But hey if the water was warm, it was a rocking big city, and the people were super friendly everyone would “want” to live here. This way each city gets to have their pros and cons, advantages and dis-advantages. Thanks for the entertaining write up, enjoyed the read and had a good laugh.
    Best regards

  124. Please keep in mind that NOT ALL Capetonians are picking on JoBurg. I used to live around the corner of Northgate and loved it there. Yes alot of Capetonians don’t go to the beach everyday but some of us do (surf much?)

    I hike up Table mountain every 2nd Sunday and enjoy the beauty we have to experience here.

    It makes me upset knowing that Capetonians (some of them) based on this article talk smack about JoBurg. I like it there and the people who live there. 🙂

    This whole situation seems quite generalized (even though it is declared above that you were not targeting all Capetonians) and even if SA didn’t have the 11 languages and different cultures we are all still different poeple and that makes diversity not a language or religion or politcal views.

    So silly all this effort and commenting… Good article and it made me laugh but something pulled at me and I felt compelled to add my opinion.

    Kind Regards

  125. lol, great one jade. im still young and i would love to get an opportunity to work in jozi. just love the idea of there being people that you know that doesnt know someone else you know. you know? ct is a village…

  126. It’s interesting, because my experience has been completed different. I moved from joburg to CT 3 years ago and I’ve never experienced capetonians as unfriendly – in fact, I struggled to make new friends in Joburg, whereas in CT I felt immediately welcome.

    I guess at the end of the day one can’t generalise – both cities have there pros and cons. 🙂

    • Exactly, it is completely up to the person and what they make of it. If your outlook is optimistic, you will see the beauty in the people and the environment. If you are an adventurous person you will seek out the great things. I hear these comments every day, from both sides and my response is always the same. Open your eyes and ears and venture towards new things. Don’t stay stuck in your own ways.

  127. lol vegan lollipops and wine, love it 🙂 deep breath in…..and slowly out …… take it easy joburg, relax dont stress yourself about it xxxx

  128. Great piece.

    I grew up in Cape Town, at 21 I left for Joburg and have lived a good life ever since.

    Living in Joburg has opened me up to very cool things about South Africa. A country that Capetonians only sadly know about 5% of. Their many rants on Facebook about how horrible Joburg is just reminds us all that they are the Americans of this country, and their ignorance sadly dulls the appeal of Cape Town as a place.

    Since making Joburg my home, I discovered Durban and the KZN province and its wonderful winters.

    The amazing Magaliesburg region and North West province with its delightful scenery and getaway opportunities. I discovered the Mpumulanga Province and the endless natural and accessible beauty. I got to enjoy moments in nature that I never felt possible whilst in Limpopo, and I have even enjoyed a couple trips into Mozambique. I also discovered a little place called Dullstroom, oh and who knew the Free State was more than just a place where people play rugby!

    Sadly I haven’t got enough time to even begin writing about how cool Pretoria is, a place that is as far away from me as Somerset West is to Cape Town.

    The north of the country is very beautiful, and as a keen golfer, living in the biggest man made forest in the world is also pretty cool. Funnily enough, my Joburg life just seems to be surrounded by trees and pretty things. Yes, my 3km commute to work in the morning is dreadful, I mean, just the other day on my motorbike I had to go from 3rd gear to 2nd gear as a Golden Arrow bus almost sort of cut me off. It was truly a harrowing experience, but such is life in this ‘dirty concrete jungle’.

    Capetonians feel they have to campaign for their city all the time as it isn’t actually really that amazing. Sure, if you are semi-retired, have staff and a sports car, the place must be amazing, but to the average person living in the southern suburbs, making ‘a little bit of money’ and driving a car they secretly hate, it’s just another place.


    Number of times I have been shot:
    In Cape Town – 1
    In Joburg – 0

    Crime happens everywhere, just the other day one of my best friends was attacked by knife wielding animals on the side of the N1 just outside of Cape Town.

    I love visiting Cape Town, I love it because it is a cool place, it is not THE place. South Africa is a country of many amazing things, many things you can enjoy in Joburg and its surrounding areas.

  129. Hell, I lived in Plumstead for four years. I’m frank, open and direct, and most Capetonians didn’t seem to like those traits at all. There WERE exceptions, but most were, indeed, irritatingly cliquey and self-obsessed.

    Right on with the gang violence, too. I had friends in Grassy Park, Mitchells Plain, Hanover Park and elsewhere, and I’ve never seen people take fear for their lives on a daily basis for granted to that extent, anywhere else.

    Further: Capetonians are lazy.
    ‘Want to join me for a drink in Wynberg?’
    ‘…Oh, dear… it’s so far to drive!’
    ‘??? It’s fifteen kays up the road, you lazy bastard!’
    I mean, I know you’ve got mountains in the way of almost everything, but if you really want to do something, it is possible to put a little more backbone into it.

    Also, they don’t know what business professionalism means.
    I sold cars for a time on Strand Street. I learned sharpish that you cannot expect to make much headway with Capetonians before 10H30 or after 14H30. And anything less than three days before a public holiday? Forget it…

  130. Whilst I have myself often said, “Cape Town needs a population transplant”, I still have to point out that the atmosphere in JHB is very competitive and I get very bored of people talking about how hard they work or how much they earn or what car they drive….. I should also point out that yes you get paid more but you guys spend like 2 hours minimum in your car every god dam day! they have to factor the HOURS it takes you to get to and back from work and accommodate your positively INSANE petrol costs, so we at the end of the day are probably earning more. Of course rent in Camps Bay / Clifton is ridic, it’s one of the most popular destinations IN THE WORLD, rent in the burbs or NOT in the central districts of the #2 best city to travel to on planet Earth, is perfectly reasonable. Yes on the whole JHB peeps are nicer than CT peeps but I don’t sit in traffic, I have friends with waterfalls in their garden!! I can rock/paper/scissors for beach/forrest /city everyday if I want and that is a freedom I wouldn’t trade for all the money or nice people in the world.
    I still enjoyed your article though….

  131. i never really liked Cape Town and still don’t, for all the reasons you pointed out. Truth is with all our problems( crime etc) i love Joburg. Its a place where you can go out for a beer by yourself and someone will invite you to come sit with them and chances are you’ll get DEAD DRUNK and have the time of your life! Personally any trip to Cape Town is an inconvenience! thanks for making it clear that i’m not CRAZY!!!….well just a little 🙂

    • And I have never really like JHb and still don’t. So each to his own and if you find it an inconvenience to come to Cape Town don’t come 🙂

  132. Great writing, loved your choice of words.
    Every place is what you make of it. I commute. 1 week here one week there. I think I live in CT, my family thinks I live in JHB. I love both and enjoy many things about both. One thing I dislike about both are the people who complain about the other.
    Cape Town is clique – Well get off your lazy ass and go out to meet some people. Put a smile on your worn out JHB face and embrace their different ways.
    JHB traffic is awful – Well, time your meetings better, learn about the short cuts, get some good music in your car and a blue tooth car kit. Drop your sleepy CTness and catch up with the fast drivers, it’s actually fun.
    Capetonians only talk about the mountain and the sea – Use your keyboard to find a Jazz club or a Theatre, you may learn something new.
    JHB is unsafe – Get a knife, or even a gun, then install a Tracker so they can find you once you have killed the hi-jackers and struggle to start your car again cause you so full of adrenalin.

    Basically what I am saying is – GET OVER YOURSELF, wherever you live or go, and embrace the difference!! You might just expand your mind.

    Oh and as for the Zombies – CT protects the Great White Sharks and the Zombies will come in handy. It will even allow CT to protect the seals.

  133. You do know Cape Town also contributes more tax money to the fiscuss than it gets back in government spending? So you’re definitely not paying for our roads.

    Having been to Joburg, New York, San Francisco, Washington dc and Los Angeles in the last three months I must say Cape Town is still pretty underrated in international terms so your agony with a-hole Capetonians will only increase as their smugness increase proportionate to the increase in international acclaim.

    The only other city I could possibly live out of those is San Francisco and that would be second choice since Cape Town these days offers a bit more.

    Joburg (Gauteng) has the best people though.(like New York has central park to keep the people sane).

  134. Firstly… what about Durban?
    Secondly… you forgot the best part about Joburg: It’s only 4 hours drive from the Kruger National Park!!!!! I would move there tomorrow in a heartbeat. Primarily for that very reason. I kid you not.
    Great writing. Not a fan of open expletives, but each to his own. Doesn’t change the fact it’s top writing.

  135. Most who compare Joburg to Lagos obviously haven’t been to Lagos….. With more people than there are South Africans, shabby infrastructure, shanty towns the size of the whole of Jhb, Jhb is no comparison to Lagos!!!! But dang it we make it work!!!!!

  136. This is the precise reason I am so in between deciding whether to make the move to Cape Town or stay loyal in Joburg. I have lived in Cape Town for a couple of years but essentially I’m still a Joburger through and through…

  137. 1. I am pretty friendly:)
    2. My business comes from overseas
    3. Fair point – just find a better job!! Worth the lower salary.
    4. Pat yourself on the back:) Well done!! Keep on working hard!!
    5. I have never been a victim of crime here. In joburg I saw a carjacking as I left the airport.
    6. Anything is better than the ANC
    7. I live on the beach. Beach bat record currently sitting at 428 consecutive hits!
    8. I have a car…
    9. You got me there! Zombies are the worst!!! I don’t own a gun!!!

    I think both places are great for different reasons! but if we are going to be completely honest with ourselves – if money was no object – where would you rather be?

    Cape Town. Awe.

  138. Brilliant. And CT traffic sucks big balls and their drivers have worse road rage than anyone I have experienced in joburg and that is bloody saying something.

    • Road rage? Yes, nothing annoys me more than the GP number plate on holiday in CT doing 80 in the fast lane on the highway. Maybe I should buy a Sandton Tractor (Range Rover or Fortuner) and sit on their arse till they get out of the way.

  139. Every six months or so a Joburg blogger stirs up the oldest non-debate in the country. Only thing is the arguments against Cape Town get markedly less convincing.

  140. This is remarkably well written, considering it was probably done on a phone in a car during a 3-hour work commute. Muchas kudos to you.

  141. Oh please – only people from Johannesburg brings the whole Joburg vs CT thing up. We really couldnt care less about you gold mine….keep your higher salary, keep your lower cost of living. We are HAPPY here – a word unfamiliar to Joburg residents. #SorryNotSorry

    P.S. – enjoy the crime, try not to get raped.

  142. LOL. Well written and funny. I feel a little like you when having to defend JHB to expats. Those people always have some very nasty things to say about our beautiful home. But getting back to JHB vs. CT, you forgot to mention point 10: When the oceans rise due to global warming, Cape Town will no longer exist.

  143. It has often been said the best thing to come out of Capetown is the N1 back to Johannesburg! 😀

  144. FUCKING LOVE IT!!! I moved from JHB to CPT for work in 2012 and have come to love this city – but I will NEVER acclimate and become a “local” with their pseudo-european wannabe attitudes. JHB is the heart and soul of the country – CPT is just the pretty face in the equation.

  145. So unbelievably bitter and unoriginal. Take a chill pill chick, Cape Town is not out to get you. Try write about all the other magical places we have to offer instead of this negative comparative bullshit. Good job on improving our already fragile image- this heinous peace of writing will probably be shared among your fellow facebook
    users who live all over the world and they will probably be sitting in thier 6x6m apartment in big cities sipping their Nespresso with a view of a brick wall and think, oh yeah, that’s why I left. God I am annoyed at you.

  146. Really? I am going to act the troll…. Capetonians are not whiners. We live in a beautiful city when you fly into Jozi all you see is smog. We have gangs that is true but you still have a worse crime rate. Lastly, we don’t have to play dodge the pothole.

  147. Ha, I earn more in Cape Town as an AD than that survey. – and no, I don’t live here for the sea, I live here for the mountain biking because guess what, they are on my doorstep and near my workplace and all around me. And yes, Capetonians suck but that’s why you import all your PE mates. Oh, also, you forgot the wine farms that we get to hang out on with regular occurrence.

  148. Born, bred and living in CT. You forgot the most shitty thing about our fair peninsula: The fucking wind in summer. There’s about 3 wind-free days in summer where you can actually enjoy anything outdoors. After 41 years I still grit my teeth for 8 months of the year. I love this place though – but JHB has the nicest people by far. They are not constantly distracted by the fact that they live in a theme park, so they actually develop great personalities. There are some awesome people down here too, but they are not scenesters, so you won’t find them in trendy hangouts.

    • The summer is the worst time. The wind is bad and our bad moods are made worse by all our scenic commutes being made longer because of all the GP number plated cars driving at 50km/h on roads with 90km/h speed limits.

      • What is up with that? When in Jozi they drive 160 in the Slow lane on the highway, in CT they barely manage 80 and always in the fast lane?

  149. This was mildly entertaining…nothing that we haven’t all heard before though. I would be pretty depressed if my life ever resorted to comparing living near to a beautiful beach to having a road that can fit 5 cars…but hey I guess each to there own. i would pick the beach every time. Oh and thanks for paying for us to live the good life down here while you slog away in the rat race…maybe you are right about one thing, Joburgers must be nice people 🙂

  150. You forgot to mention that Long Street has a 9:1 Nigerian Drug Dealer : International Tourist Ratio. Walking down long street was so uncomfortable during the last christmas season that I will probably never go there ever again… Not to mention I was pick pocketed and my GF’s car was broken into.

  151. Cry me a river. The reason everybody is SO friendly in Joburg is because most is not FROM JHB and what is the most natural thing to do…is to make friends. And in Actual fact there is people that get way better salaries in Cape Town…Companies that moved from JHB and Pretoria to Cape Town. Seeking a better life for their employees and they never looked back. But everybody is entitled to their own opinion….So you are allowed to have yours Mr Shallow Mind.

    • I’m from Joburg. I Hate Joburg. I’ve lived there my whole life and finally got out to travel. I will never be able to go back. Cape Town I Love. The only place in SA I feel an urge to go back and live.

      But I won’t kid myself. Joburg is the economic heart of the country. The Money is in Joburg. If you want money you’re better off there. If you want a life, then Cape Town.

  152. But Joburgers have already made a real fist off “paving it over and creating a communal braai area”. A disproportionate amount of developers in sensitive areas seem to be Jozi born.

    And the Numbers gangs started in Jozi.

  153. Hahahaha!!! It’s not just JHB, they do it to Durban too. It’s so exhausting!
    Durban, at least are friendly, able to defend ourselves with the hottest curry powder known to man and can swim in the ocean when the zombies come. 😉

  154. Nice one! Another point about CT is that they’re nowhere near as cosmopolitan as JHB. We here in JHB really lead that vibe. CT’s are cooped up in their white little bubble.

  155. Ouch…jealousy makes you nasty. Better watch out because nasty makes you fat – and Cape Town also has the highest percentage of fit people per capita 😛

  156. Thank you! Best ten minutes of my month! (Mind you I don’t read slow it took so long because I burst into many a giggle fit as I read.) Thank you again!

  157. I wasn’t one of those guys that knocked JHB after moving to CT, however after reading this hateful and badly written garbage, I feel you represent what JHB can do to some “albeit weaker” people, my advise “if you are capable of taking it” shut up, get over it and move to CapeTown, earn less , drink more and write about things that make you happier instead wasting your clear talent on what ever the hell you would call this piece of writing…

    Sincerely Joe-burger in Capetown.

  158. I am from Pretoria, living in Cape Town. No matter what I say, or my friend from Limpopo says, “we are all from Joburg!” ….. 😐
    I think you have nailed it quite perfectly. Everyone has their pet peeves, and this one is very accurately everyone’s!

  159. Brilliant! The drunks in Maboneg at 3am are all cyclists who missed the mass ride home. Craft beer may be involved. The ones in Braamfontein are all the ex-Greenside kids who can barely afford one standard issue SAB beer. Both are different to the CT example…

  160. What a jerk, to blog about a stupid opinion.There are people that love cities and there are those who dont.Who the f% $ck cares.Keep your opinion to yourselve

    • If you don’t want to see other people’s opinions, don’t read their blogs. And google “humour” while you’re at it.

    • stop being a dickhead, I was born in cape town and still live here, the way other capetownians go on about their superiority, you would swear that it is another country, unfortunately for you are part of south africa voetsek

  161. As someone who falls in the “If you need to hop a plane every week for status meetings, then, honey, you are based in Joburg.” category I can truly identify with what you’re saying. Love Joburg and its people.

  162. As a Cape Townian all my life, I love it here. Say what you want.. We love our city and so does the rest of the world. There are ‘nice’ people here too.. The only difference is that we can do more with these nice people in Camps Bay, Stellenbosch, Llandando, Newlands (to name a few) than Melrose, Braamfontein, Sandton etc. (feel free to add more).

    We don’t constantly insult Johannesburg. We enjoy the occasional weekend or work trips, after which we return to our lovely lifestyles in Cape Town.

    The Gautrain is awesome no doubt.. for a city where you (usually) need to travel half an hour or longer to go to places. Unless you’re doing the usual Melrose or Blu Bird visit. (It takes most of us 20 minutes or less to reach Camps Bay). Perhaps you should read up about the MiCiti bus developments. It’s sure to make your teeth grind further.

    It’s funny how Joburgers are always so quick to insult Cape Town and the people here. Perhaps it’s sour grapes.. After all as you said you ARE living the rat race to pay for our neat infrastructure.. So thanks!! 🙂 xx

    • Im moving to CT next week amd the one thing Im dreading are the people there. I come from the Cape and I can say its mostly true of Capetonians, aside from a few. People up here are much warmer and less arrogant

    • Haha, exhibit A right here. It was satirical Cape Townian. Yus, you guys make me laugh. Take a 20 minute break and go visit Camps Bay and chill out chap

    • haha.. I have been living in Cape Town for over a year now, and I am from neither joburg or cape town, but if found myself agreeing with every single aspect described of capetonians within this article. Capetonians are snobbish, scrutinizing and cliquey, and if it wasn’t for the scenery and my friends here (none of who are born capetonian) I would easily transfer universities to the jozi.

      excellent article.

      • Let me guess all these friends that you have made you knew from school and have met in res? Maybe if you made an effort to meet a local (who by the way aren’t usually allowed to stay in Res) you might find that we are actually quite nice:).

    • I think you pretty much proved the point the article was trying to make. Fitting the arrogant stereotypical person from Cape Town perfectly.

    • Excellent, well said! Cape Town and surrounds are simply incomparable, and leads to these terribly jealousy- provoked posts! SO glad i don’t live in JHB with these miserable people!!

  163. You shouldn’t have held back, Jade.
    Jhb nightlife is way better.
    Ct is worth living in when you’re living on holiday.
    Joburgers love ct when Joburgers are in ct.
    Ct wind sucks.
    It rains in winter, what is worse than that.
    It’s a small village. Joburgers enjoy meeting new people.
    Yes, the gang population is the second biggest in the world.
    Not only traffic, but also service is horribly slow in ct. That’s really annoying.
    Ct doesn’t have Pretoria as a next door neighbour.

  164. Thank you Jade .
    I note with some amusement that the age old banter between the north and the south still rages in South Africa. Even the arguments hav’nt changed, ( since I was there) in fact the only yhing to change is the boast of the north of having high speed rail. Parochial banter between cities is what gives them their sence of entitlement. The same arguments rage in the the USA, Australia, the UK, New Zealand and the like .

    I live in Bali now and believe you me the arguments and slurs fly freely between Sanur and Seminyak.
    I say F%$k that, live in one and visit the other to your hearts content….after all…who cares ?
    Nice blog site by the way …I shall follow with gusto!

  165. I was born and bred in CT, and love it! However, I fully agree with everything you say. One of my pet peeves with most Cape Town locals bru, is that they do NOT like to venture out further than their little 7 kilometre sphere of influence. Unless its a weekend trip to Stellenbosch for some Vino! Great read, look forward to your next one!

  166. This comes off a bit bitter. And you’re reaching a little at the end. The Ad-Talent survey was very interesting to me. So thank you. Also, the “security jacuzzi” line was funny, but I recognize it from a Hard Eddy comedy skit on YouTube from December. Possible councidence, but there you have it. I still represent joburg as I’ll always be from there. But CT is just MUCH better.

    • Wow, Really?!! So self important, you just had to say that? Enjoy it for what it was – funny, and not personal!

    • Couldn’t agree more. This article is actually pretty mean (and I say this as a former durbanite living in CT). I had no problem with joburg, because we’re all in the same fucking country and it’s stupid to fight about it. But this slightly nasty post definitely didn’t put JHB in a great light for me.

  167. But tell us how you really feel 😉 Another thing to add is that for 3 months of the year our time lines get bombarded with picturesque sunsets and the other 9 months about the shitty weather.

  168. Haha . . that is funny! P.S. I left the souff of JHB boet / binnet!! in 1993, and i kept moving souff, until i could no longer, there was sea! And it was Camps Bay sea! And i been living here for 21 years . . and guess what, its KIEFF BOET! ;o) Keep Jozie hey, but ja, the people from Jozie are lank kieff!

  169. I don’t know you, but I like you.
    Captonians need to get their heads up and out of their asses.

    Been here 4 months- I’m about to stab the next person who tries another bad “Eww to the rest of Africa” joke.


    In the balls. (Or boobs-I don’t discriminate.)


    • Cape Town is awesome no matter what you say….we been voted the best too. Why you all so bitter….stop moaning….Wowwwwww!!!! Live where you like…who cares just stop moaning….look at the bright side of life wherever you living…..

  170. Great, all the world needs – another person putting out angry stuff about SA! Congrats, I hope you feel better after your ‘Rant’.. #notcool #ratherkeepthisshittoyourself

  171. I am laughing so much I have tears rolling down my cheeks! I love Jozie! Warts and all!! Cape Town you can keep your mountain! I would rather have violent summer thunderstorms at the end of a hot day and beautiful cloudless icy winters days than the rubbish that you call weather!

  172. I’m a Capetonian, born and ‘bred’ and I agree, the people here are SO stuffy. Going up to Jozi next weekend to see all my friends (Went to rhodes, made friends with everyone except ppl from this side) and I AM SO AMPD TO GO TO KITCHENERS. it’s my favourite, nothing like it in Cape Town. Oh, and I go to the beach every day – I live in fish hoek, faaaaar away from that pretentious, small minded CBD.

      • There was an FHM article that did a serious analysis of the zombie apocalypse, and said that Hout Bay in Cape Town would be the best place in the country to hold up

  173. Can SO relate. I’m a Joburger but I lived in CT for a year and it almost killed me – and yes, I too had to constantly defend Joburg (almost like I had to justify my own existence in some weird way). Moved back to Jozi and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Spot on about all the points – except the wandering around the CBD part with craft beer: have you been to Maboneng or Braamfontein on a Sat night? 😉

    • Agree with you on Maboneng-area! I spent the best nights of my life there… 😉 Multi-cultural and Hip!! Also the parking in Maboneng is out in the street. There have never been any break-ins in my or my friends cars. Visited Cape Town last week- and ALL of our bags was stolen out of the car which was parked at the Waterfront. Proudly Joburger !! ;))

      • You’ve missed my point re Maboneng Adri: the writer says that few Joburgers wander around the CBD streets at night: that fails to factor in Maboneng and Braamfontein, but those are gentrified bubble areas frequented by rich kids (aka hipsters – which Joburg has its fair share, just like CT, except most of City Bowl is a gentrified area IMO, whereas Jozi just has ‘pockets’).

      • I live in Pretoria . I went on Holiday to Cpt last December. My husband and I stayed for one day at this very exclusive boutique hotel that i found on booking.com.
        It had this amazing lounge, pool areas , jacuzzi
        and more.We were just chilling at the pool and suddenly male after male poured in with hot pans , also chilling at the pool creaming and oiling each other. ( young and old)
        I suddenly realised that this was also a joint for gay guys. Not that im against gay people at all. I was the only female there and i was grinned at , and watched by eagle
        eyes. I felt so uncomfortable , they probably thought ” what the hell is this women doing here ?” My husband is very good looking so i held on tight to him .

        Just minutes after one of the dudes in his prince outfit asked me a question:
        Excuse me, sorry for asking but how did you find this place… i almost laugh in
        his face and my husband elbowed me. Hmm .. on the internet i replied.. Booking.com !!! Dhhh,.
        I didnt see the advert for gays only … well it was a very nice hotel i must say.

      • “My husband is very good looking so i held on tight to him…” this statement is homophobic and what is wrong with people from Joburg – arrogant, bigots. Don’t say Cape Town is clique – you are just not likable people.

      • This is the dumbest most self-indulged post.

        Gay people are not interested in your straight husband.

        Sigh, heterosexual entitlement. :/

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