I was just thinking the other day that it’s been a while since I’ve written something that offended and polarised thousands of people, so I figured it was about time to write another angry, poorly-researched, opinion-driven rant.
“Whose hideous earrings are those?” I asked, my head feeling like I’d left it in a vice all night, my mouth tasting like I’d just gargled with Thai toilet water.
Back when I was a kid, there was a story about an old man, his son and a donkey. No, not, ‘Mr. Hands’, you sick fucks. I’m talking about some Aesop-fable, next-level, parable shit.
If you don’t work in ‘digital’ and have to wade through the endlessly repetitive stream of bullshit spouted by agencies trying to sell you an app, it could, I suppose, seem like quite an intimidating river to dip one’s toe into.
Or: How We Violated Several Zoning Regulations for Charity
“You know what we should do?” Cara says, as we squint against morning the sun and drink too-strong (and therefore perfect) coffee, “we should do a fundraiser for the victims of xenophobic violence at the Ethiopian restaurant.”
“That’s a good idea,” I tell her, because it is, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Remember how much simpler it was to get dressed when you had a school uniform? Sure, it didn’t fit properly most of the time, provided zero protection against the weather in any season, and made you look like a twat and feel like a prisoner. But it also meant that choosing your outfit of the day was far less confusing or taxing in the morning.
To be fair, you probably also spent a lot less time hung-over as a high school student, which also helps matters.
This post originally appeared on 22Seven’s blog. If you suck with money, download their app, read the funny blog posts, and for the love of the dark lord and all that is unholy, please stop buying Lotto tickets.
Here’s a confession: I tried freelancing before, back when I was still young enough to think I could get away with purple eye-liner and home-made haute couture. I tried and I failed- miserably. Between not knowing how to charge properly, to not knowing how to enforce those charges properly, I spent more time worrying about money than I did working for it.